


Gauche Purple Carpet

by redrichards



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Las Vegas Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-22 02:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3711523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redrichards/pseuds/redrichards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the AU prompt "We met in Vegas one night and woke up next morning in a honeymoon suite naked, hungover and married"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gauche Purple Carpet

**Author's Note:**

> I may eventually write a part two for this, but don't hold me to that.

The trip to Vegas was entirely Sasha’s idea. This being her 24th birthday and the three of them still being on the run from their last con, Sasha decided that Las Vegas was the perfect place to hide out at, celebrate 24 years of life,  and nick shiny pieces of jewelry off drunks.

They had set up shop in a nice hotel, their last job left them with enough cash overflow to get something fancy, and tried to relax for once. Felix immediately went to tinkering with the caravan, patching up various new bullet holes and making sure the engine was in the right shape to get them out of any future sticky situations- the thing had almost died on them out in the Nevada desert earlier. Sasha had employed the “but it’s my _birthday_ ” card to drag Fiona to the nearest casino to drink and watch others gamble their money away. The bar tender fell easily to their charm, and the drinks came quickly and Fiona got to that level of bubbly-flirty she reached when she was nearing completely smashed. The last thing she remembered was talking to a nice looking Suit and getting dragged to the dance floor while Sasha laughed from afar. At the time it had been a blast, but now she was definitely regretting it.

Waking up, the first sensation Fiona was greeted with was a bed of clouds and soft satin blankets. Pressing her face into the pillow she breathed in deep the scent of name brand lavender laundry detergent and genuine feather pillows. The room was dimly lit and very purple, with brown walls to combat the plum furniture and drapes. The ensemble was pretty gauche in her opinion, but this mattered less as another thought dawned on her.

This was _not_ her hotel room.

Jerking awake and opening her eyes fully, she was able to take in a few more details she had previously passed over for the comfy sheets.

First off, she was naked. This was unusual since last Christmas Sasha had picked out a set of Muppet pajamas from the Good Will that she usually wore to bed most nights if not a t-shirt and shorts. Of course, this not being her hotel room, how would she have access to those things? The lack of underwear, however, was disconcerting.

Second, she wasn’t alone. Beside her she could make out the distinct form of someone else underneath the blankets. Whoever it was seemed to be very deeply in sleep and had yet to awake to the situation.

And, lastly, there was a distinct band of metal around the ring finger on her left hand.

“Oh, no…” Fiona groaned, throwing herself back onto the pillows with a defeated sigh.

 _Really, Fi?_ She could already hear Sasha saying, _The got drunk married to a complete stranger in Vegas bit? Isn’t that a little cliché?_ The last memory she had of the man at the bar flashed vividly in her mind and she gave her bed partner look another. Dark hair, although it was much messier now than it had been last night, and, god, he was tall. He had appeared to be rich, and this hotel room was pretty nice. Maybe she’d found herself a sugar daddy-

 _What the hell are you thinking?_ She cursed herself mentally. Staying with this guy was not an option. No way. She was a wanted criminal. There was no way she could settle down with some fat cat, no matter how nice his hotel rooms are.

_Okay. Time to get out of here without waking him up and hope we never, ever, see each other again._

Cautiously, Fiona untangled herself from the bed sheets and slid onto the floor, keeping an eye on her _\- ugh-_ her husband to make sure he didn’t stir. The carpet, also purple, was soft and the fibers entangled themselves in between her toes. God, she was going to miss this lavish lifestyle. Hopefully, one day in the future, when things have settled down she might be able to afford a place like this, but this was no time for thoughts like that. Now was time to focus.

Tip-toeing across the floor, Fiona located her clothes item by item and put them on one at a time. Soon she had everything but her hat, which was nowhere to be found. Desperately checking behind the dressers and lamps, she wasn’t prepared for the clock to strike 7 and the small electric watch on her partner’s bed stand to start buzzing at an ear splitting volume.  
Sprinting across the room, not caring that her boots were clunking loudly against the floors, she scrambled to grab the watch. The screen of it had a million different buttons, at least half of which were flashing sporadically. By the time she finally figured out which one was the right one to push to shut off the alarm, she had another noise to worry about.

“Who the fuck are you?”

Fiona swallowed hard. Her husband was awake.

She had to say that she’d done well picking this one. He had a very nice face, even after just waking up. His eyes were gorgeous, one brown and the other a blue that seemed so crystal it had to be fake. His eyebrows were slightly bushy, but dark and commanding, and, with his plump lips, they’d make an impressive sneer. However, at the moment his features were showing pure outrage and confusion, which was justified, seeing as she had just previously been standing over his sleeping body fiddling with his undoubtedly very expensive watch.

“Hello, honey,” she mused and waved her hand so he clearly see the silver band on it.

He faltered at this, his mouth widening to form a perfect ‘o’ shape as the facts connected in his head before he slapped his hand to his face. “I can’t believe…” He mumbled.

Fiona could relate to the stages of grief he was going through, seeing as she had gone through them herself just moments ago, but she didn’t want to sit around anymore. She wanted to get out.

“Hey, look, we match!” she chimed sarcastically, pointing to the ring on the hand he’d just slapped to his face.

He lowered his hand enough to return her comment with a glare. This marriage was off to a great start.

The whole situation seemed a little too ridiculous to believe at this point. Here Fiona was, standing over her newly wedded husband who was probably naked as well under those covers, and instead of actually helping either of them deal with what was going on, she’d made a couple of jokes. She was doing a great job.

The man had laid there quietly for a few moments before moving, the whole time staring intently at his ring. By the time he acknowledged Fiona’s presence again, she had replaced his watch on the table and taken a few steps back to lean against the wall.

“Tell me,” he sighed, sitting up and rubbing his temples, “do you remember anything at all from last night?”

Fiona took a second to speak again as well, having been caught off guard by the bright blue tattoos revealed when he’d sat up and let the covers fall to his lap. Collecting herself, she shook her head. “I remember the bar and the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies song the band was playing when we got up to dance, but beyond that, nothing.”

The man groaned and let his hands fall from his face. “I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah, me neither.” 

The man ran a hand through his hair, attempting to smooth down the strands that were standing straight upward from mousse that hadn’t been properly washed out. “I told myself I shouldn’t drink too much, but look where it fucking landed me.”

“You’re telling me.” Fiona murmured, looking away from him at the last items of clothing scattered across the floor.

The man huffed a little, and Fiona turned back to him to see him looking at her face for the first time since her woke up. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked like he was desperately trying to remember something.

“Fiona. It’s Fiona.” She said, already knowing what he was about to ask.

“Oh, thanks.” He brushed his fingers through is hair again before breaking a half smile, “I’m Rhys.”

And she understood why she’d fell for him before. He had a certain charm about him, which was mostly that smile and those fucking eyebrows that made her stomach twist in the school-girl crush sort of way. He made her giddy but also gave her the raging urge to punch something at the same time. She wasn’t sure exactly what that was about. But hey, maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> In case you were wondering, [this was the Cherry Poppin' Daddies song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IqH3uliwJY)


End file.
